Tsaiko's neat, nifty URL of the day is: The Ultimate Gay and Lesbian Cars!
On Thursday, November 15, 2001 at 01:43 p.m. Tsaiko was slowly going insane. This is why:
Wow! They really do collect statistics on everything...
Sometimes I wonder about my subconcious.
So Tuesday night I had the weirdest dream. I don't remember all of it, just the last part. The last part was fairly long but consisted mostly of me drinking coke from a medium paper cup and talking. So I'll give you the abbreviated version without all the details.
Starts off I'm in this little coffehouse. Well lit. Sunlight pouring in from the huge plate glass windows behind me, filered through thin curtains. Cream and pale yellow tile. A wooden bar where you place your orders took up one entire wall. It was a little darker near the bar, and there were barstools where you could sit and drink.
There were a dozen or so tables in the place. Iron wrought legs and chairs with yellow striped cushion, though I can't remember what the tops looked like. Maybe inset with white and cream tile? I don't know though since my drink was siitting on them I know they had tops.
All the tables were circled around this stage. It took up the back of the coffeehouse and faced the plate glass windows. Obviously, you were supposed to be entertained by what was on the stage. I was not.
You see, on stage, there was a gay porn show going on. An all male gay porn show. Lots of masturbation. Lots of playing with "toys." Lots of blowjobs. Normally, I wouldn't have a problem with this. In fact, I'd probably be shouting tips to the performers. But in this dream, all I could do was stare down into my coke and be embarrassed.
I wasn't embarrassed because of what was going on on stage. Okay, so I was a little bit. I was more disturbed by the fact that I knew I was not supposed to be there. This was a coffehouse for gay men. There were even a few sitting at some of the tables around me. I was not supposed to be there, and I knew it.
But I can't leave. I don't remember why, I just knew that I had to stay there. So I keep trying to make myself as unnoticable as possible while the people on stage keep getting louder and louder with their porn show. The ice in my drink is becoming very interesting at this point.
Then I notice that some guy has brought his eight year old kids to the coffeehouse. A boy and a girl. Now I feel really ashamed because these two kids are running around while these guys are doing stuff on stage that should never be done in public. Nobody seems to notice or care They're all too fascinated by the porn show.
Then I realize that there's other women in the audience. Not many. Maybe three of four. But they all look as embarrassed to be there as I am. So I catch one of the lady's attention, and wave her over. All of the other women see this and join me at the table. Next thing I know we're gossiping and laughing and talking like old friends. The tension eases though you can tell the "performers" are less than pleased.
After some period of time, I get up from the table. Obviously now I can leave. I make one last comment about people bringing their kids to places like that. Then I walked out the door. It even had a little bell which jingled. Ss I was leaving this guy in military fatigues was walking in. For some reason I just assumed he was there to shut the place down or cause trouble. I smiled at him and then...
I woke up.
I really, really wonder about my subconcious.
Tsaiko's neat, nifty URL of the day is: Are you a Blogaholic?
On Monday, November 12, 2001 at 01:31 p.m. Tsaiko was slowly going insane. This is why:
Nifty little quiz. I got 52/100 which means that while I blog, I still have a social life. Taken from the ever wonderful Talya Firedancer's blog. Nice.
This started out as a way to vent frustration. Because writing is my way of venting. It turned into something else. Rough and unfinished, but with potential. I may continue it in another post. For right now it ends at a cliff hanger because I'm tired of working on it. I'm fickle like that. Just to let everyone know, no, it's not directed at you no matter what you may think. So there :P.
The mage was tired. More than that, she was angry. Bitter. Frustrated. Not at anyone in particular, but in the world in general. Tired of feeling like the Universe's dumping ground. Tired of nobody listening to her problems. Tired of explaining. Tired of keeping secrets. Tired of people acting like idiots.
She needed time to think. Time to be away from people. Time to do nothing more than react to her surroundings. No problems. No worries. No bruised egos or mishandled pride. So she took the only recourse left open to her.
The freedom of a horse.
There was nothing but the whistling roar of the wind. The pounding of hooves. The smell of forest loam. The adrenaline in her system as the horse she rode jumped a fallen long. Both rider and mount tore down the narrow path. A single misstep could very well prove fatal. Neither seemed to care.
Branches threatened to tear the mage from her mount. She dodged them with a skill born of practice. Sometimes she misjudged. Stinging welts were the punishment. Some drew blood. She didn't seem to notice.
This was what she lived for. This time where Heaven existed in the silence between the hoofbeats of a horse. The sting of the horse's mane against her cheek, the feel of the leather between her hands, the power of the muscles between her legs. The laughter and the joy and the sheer freedom to simply be. Letting all her anger and frustration with the world bleed out through the connection between earth and beast.
Eventaully, like all strong emotions, the feelings faded. The horse slowed from a full gallop to a trot. It leapt one last fallen log, in the depths of the forest. Then suddenly, both horse and rider found themselves in a field of white. The horse took a few more half-hearted steps before dropping his head and stopping.
The air was frigid. The horse gently steamed in the cold air, and each breath the gray stallion took formed a cloud of ice. The mage looked behind her, seeing how the hoofprints from the horse she rode appeared only a few feet behind the animal in the snow. Which meant she had changed dimensions between one step and the next.
A thought produced clothes more suitable to this world of ice and snow. But not before she was literally shaking so hard her teeth chattered. A velvet shirt, long pants, and a thick cloak shot through with embroidery. And gloves. Definitely gloves. Thick leather gloves to cut the chill of the wind. The stallion beneath her stamped its feet, crunching through the icy snow that covered the ground.
"I've been here before." Saying the words forced the mage to take a deeper breath. The air froze in her lungs, sending her into a painful fit of coughing. Fur lined cloak. Time to make it a fur lined cloak so she could breath through the fur and warm the air some.
Somewhere in the woods that surrounded the clearing, a branch broke from the weight. It snapped like a gunshot, then fell in a rain of crystalline ice. The horse stamped and snorted, and the mage started. Then she laughed at her own nervousness.
The laugh died in her throat when the resonance of a deep growl reached her ears.
Tsaiko's neat, nifty URL of the day is: Mooncalf Noises
On Friday, November 9, 2001 at 03:03 p.m. Tsaiko was slowly going insane. This is why:
Mooncalf is cool. That is all I have to say.
Below is a fragment based on something that is happening in my real life. The names and descriptions of the people involved have been changed to protect their sensibilities. Now the real question: Will they be able to even tell I wrote about them? You decide.
The dragons were fighting.
No blows had been struck, only feints and snaps and threats and display gestures had graced the field. But it was a fight none the less. The scaled beasts circled each other, each carefully placing one foot in front of the other. Dust stirred with each step. It hung in the air, making it hard to breathe. Neither dragon seemed to notice. Each was too intent on the other to care.
Both of the dragon's jaws were open, teeth glinting in the afternoon sun. They were hissing at each other, they're wings half-spread in threat display. The larger of the dragons, a creature of emerald scales and golden wings stumbled and the smaller of the two dragons darted in. Jaws snapped on empty air as the larger dragon recovered. The smaller dragon was quick to retreat, biding its time for the larger dragon to leave itself open.
The other dragons watch the fight, golden and green and brown eyes fixated on the two combatants. They battle had been a long time coming. And while expected, still came as a surprise when it happened. Each of the watching dragons had chosen sides, defending and supporting the one they believed was right. The lines were drawn, the accusations made, the tempers had risen. And despite some others efforts to sooth ruffled wings and damaged prides, the fight had begun.
Deep down, every dragon there knew it was a pointless fight.
It was not an even fight. Each spectator knew that. Yet no one could quite say who had the definite advantage.
The blue dragon was smaller, younger, filled with the righteous anger of youth. He hadn't even grown his horns in, just the two bumps that would eventually become a magnificent rack. But he was also swifter, and more skilled. A better fighter when he was not consumed with anger. Full of the boundless energy of youth. If the fight dragged on, he was sure to be the victor.
The green dragon was larger, older, if not the patriarch of the group then as close to one as they had experienced. Use to having his moods catered to, the older green was furious at the younger dragon's gall. He was slower, but stronger, his golden horns gleaming in the light. His anger was sustained by years of bitter hatred and depression. If the fight ended quickly, then victory lay with him.
There was a non-dragon watching the fight. A rare sight among dragon, a human mage. She had watched the fight from a distance, as the misunderstandings and tempers had escalated. She had stood as impartial listener as each side was brought forth before her. Now she was here to watch the ending, to see who would be victorious.
"Why don't you stop them? They'd listen to you. You have to talk some sense into them." One of the dragons, a pale blue male whose age was somewhere between the two combatants begged. The mage glanced briefly at him before continuing to watch the fight.
"It wouldn't matter if I stopped it now. I would only delay the inevitable. A week from now, a month, a year. Maybe with him,' she said as she gestured towards the smaller dragon, "or maybe with another. The end result would be the same. Someone would snap. This has to stop. He has to know he can push you guys only so far before something gives. Might as well let it be a lesson they both can learn."
"What lesson will my friend learn?" The mage automatically knew the pale dragon was referring to the younger blue. "He was in the right. He did nothing wrong. What can he learned from fighting?"
"Not to mouth off as much and to think before he gets angry."
"I though you were their friend." The pale dragon demanded. The mage pushed brown hair out of her eyes and smiled.
"I am. But I believe in letting my friends make their own choices and their own mistakes. How else are they going to learn?"
A sudden scream from the battlefield caused both dragon and mage to jump. Before them was a tangled mass of green and blue. It was the beginning of the end.
The battle had begun.
Tsaiko's neat, nifty URL of the day is: End of the Internet
On Wednesday, November 7, 2001 at 08:15 a.m. Tsaiko was slowly going insane. This is why:
Fortunecity ate my pitas page pictures. As in they are no longer there. In addition, Swords into Plowshares has been crunched a bit then spit back out. So I'm going to have to fix it. For all the people who tried to read my sequel to The Spirit of Shinagami, I'm sorry. I don't know what the heck is up with fortunecity. It's not usually this bad. I'll speak with Miome about it tonight.
Today I'm going to talk about the Buffy Musical. It was good, but not as good as I had hoped. I was hyped. I was pumped. I was so ready. And I was slightly disappointed. I guess it comes from being someone who was in band for seven years, and in chorus for two, and actually knows something about writing music and lyrics. All my other friends thought it was great. I thought it was good but could have been better.
Please stop reading now if you are not interested in Tsaiko's vaulted opinion. Which you should be, But in case you aren't (even though you really should be, and if you aren't interested then why are you reading my pitas page? And I'm still in parenthaseseses aren't I?) you may stop now. Still reading? Good, you are one of the smart ones.
First off, it was blantantly obvious who could and could not sing in the show. (I don't know the actor's names, so I'm going to talk about the characters) Willow and Dawn. This was shown through their sheer lack of musical lines. Hello, Dawn spoke her lines in the middle of the musical number? Did you not think this was obvious? That no one would notice?
And then when they did the final number I could hear how bad Willow was. Dawn varied from good to bad. I think when she's singing with the Demon that it was a voice over. I can't be sure, but that voice sounded nothing like when she started singing before. But then again, I can switch voices from my higher choral voice to my lower, more gravelly singing voice. The whole dance routine just made the fact that Dawn was not singing that much more bovious.
My second problem with the show was the lyrics. At times they were great. My favorite was when Willow sang "I think my line's just filler." I mean honestly, how many times have you been writing a poem and just wished you could put a nonsense line it so you could get to the part you wanted to write? Perfect. But some of the lyrics you could tell didn't work. Usually, the lyrics are written first and then the music is written to accomidate them. If you've got a great lyrist, that fine. This was not fine.
But let's talk about the music. Listening to Spike's song was a form of medieval torture. It was one of those things that was almost good but just kept falling short. the guy who plays Spike would have been agreat rock star. Too bad he was given such bad stuff. It never realy caught the beat and just kinda fell flat. And the song during the fight with the demon's cronies? The switching beats was more annoying than anything else, and the sliding from a major to a minor key over and over again at the end of the song made it sound badly out of tune. It kept reminding me of a tape player who's batteries kept running down.
Tsaiko: Stick some Energizers in this song, stat! It keep s dying on us.
Another thing that got on my nerves was the fact that Sarah Michelle Gellar (see, I know the name of one whole actress on the show) cannot dance. At all. She can twitch her hips, and walk dramtically. Then she does the hair flip. And not just any hair flip. THE hair flip. The exact same hair flip she always done when she's required to dance. If I were walking down a crowded street and saw that hair flip, I would instantly know it was Sarah Michelle Gellar. Instantly. But otherwise she shouldn't be allowed to boogie woogie on the dance floor at all.
Don't get me wrong, the show had its moments. The whole thing about getting the mustard stain out, and the lady trying to talk the cop out of the ticket was sheer brilliance. Getting all the problems and secrets out into the open with song so it doesn't overpower you? Another gem. Though I have a feeling that next week's episode is going to be as uplifting as a black, red-eyed plot bunny. An angst plot bunny. Though I wish the fact that Dawn was a clepto would hurry up and come out. They don't have to actually call her on it. Just someone realize it for god's sake. She's not even a good thief, and a terrible liar. I could do better.
The duet part between Giles and Tara was also good. I didn't know Tara could sing? Did you know Tara could sing? Because damn if she doesn't have a voice. Too bad she's going to leave the show. I know she is. They're setting her up for it just like they're setting up Giles to leave. But the best part was the ending kiss between Spike and Buffy. Not that we (the fangirls) haven't seen this coming a mile away. But no one was expecting quite that big a hint. Nifty.
Finally, mad kudos to Anya's actress for doing an entire song/dance scene in a red lacy bra and shorts. That took guts. You rock.
Tsaiko's neat, nifty URL of the day is: The Darwin Awards
On Monday, November 5, 2001 at 09:01 a.m. Tsaiko was slowly going insane. This is why:
I feel that the link is appropriate to my post. Why? Because I'm going to talk about my family reunion. An event where a large section of my family on my great-grandmother's side gets together an makes me wish we did these kind of things every five years instead of every year. Though I have to admit this year was better than previous years. But they me tell you about my experience.
For starters, you have to realize that the responsibility of holding/organizing the family reunion rotates between the various branches of the family. This year, it was my branch's turn. This meant that I couldn't just show up Sunday, stay the required two hours, and then leave. Oh no. I had to show up Saturday and help them set up. Which basically meant that I would voice an opinion and everyone would ignore what I said in favor of doing it the "right way" (ie, the way they want it). After all, I'm just a child (even though I am not an adult and have been such in the eyes of the American Government for four years now) and my opinion doesn't matter.
Can you feel my pain?
So I went in expecting the worse. Like the incident four years ago, last time my branch ran the thing. The whole group (aka all seven out of twenty three that showed up) spent two hours arguing about decorations. Not who was bringing what. Not even how to best set up the tables or how many chairs we might need. But decorations. My great-aunt and her daughters almost got into a cat fight over the bloody decorations. I just knew that this year was going to be a disastor.
Starts off my great-aunt and two of her daughters have all the decorations done. Don't like them? Too bad. They invited everyone to help. If you didn't show up you lost your right to voice and opinion. It worked and the deocarions were cool looking. However, the church hall where we have the thing has installed a white aluminum pole right in the center of the room. Why? To keep the room from sagging. And since my relatives will have fits if we deviate the slightest from how this re-union is done we have to find a way to set the table up exactly like always while taking into account that there is now a pole in the middle of the room. Somehow we managed.
So everything is set up and we leave after only two hours. Thank god. Because my family has started in on the gossip. So and so is out playing golf instead of coming here and helping. So and so isn't here yet I bet she'll claim it was all her idea. That sorta thing.
So I ate dinner with my immediate family and went back to my apartment. I think my Mom is finally realizing that I want to be away from my house. That I don't actually like my extended family all that much. I do not like loud noises. I do not like lots of people I don't know. I am not a touchy-feely-huggy kind of person. My family is. I don't like my family. Period. End of discussion.
So on Sunday the family reunion began. Everyone helping host the thing (ie, my branch of the family) was supposed to to show up at 10:00. I was not about to hang around with my family four five hours. So I showed up at 12:00 with brownies. That way this year when people jokingly asked me "So what did you bring this year?" I could tell them "Brownies" and point to the dessert table. Make fun of my cooking skills, will you? That okay. I only took five brownies home out of the two dozen I made. Someone liked them. So there.
Anyways, I came in late enough to miss the whole screaming fight thing that happens every year between my great-aunt and her daughters. Thank god. A whole crowd had shown up and were talking. And a total of three (3) people were trying to do the work of what should have been twenty. So I jumped in and started helping. I did this for two reasons. One, it prevented me from actually having to mingle with my family. And two, it prevented me from actually having to mingle with my family. Everytime someone tried to get me into a long conversation someone would walk in with a dessert and I would be "forced" to leave them and set up the dessert. It was great. Why didn't I think of this plan years ago?
Of course, there were the usual stupid questions. I graduated in May with a B.S. in Geology. Since i can't find any jobs in the environmental geology field, I'v ebeen working for the University as a glorified sectretary (aka Administrative Assistant). That's some background. Here's the questions.
So how's archaology going?
For the last fricking time, it's geology! Geology!
I have this neice who's married to this guy who does oil stuff. Maybe you should talk to him?
Oil stuff? Turns out he was once an accountant for a oil company that only has officesin India. No, I'm not interested.
I heard you've gottena sectretarial job. I'm so glad you've decided to settle down with an actual career.
I hate you.
I see your sister has brought her boyfriend. when you going to introduce us to your man? or alternatively So when are you going to settle down and get married?
I don't have a guy. I don't want one. I'm going to grow up to be filthy rich and have many cats and buy sex whenever I want from whoever I want. So take that.
Seriously, when my relatives ask me stuff like that it makes me want to commit ritual suicide with a fork. There's no way I would invite anyone I actually liked to my family reunions. It would be the equivalent of Draco Malfoy inviting Harry Potter to one of his.
Oh come on Potter. You'd have a smashing time at my family reunion. Nevermind that over half my family would love to see you dead, and the other half is insane. You simply love Aunt Greta's crab puffs.
I think not.
Overall, it went okay. We had to set up another table for the food which was a minor crises. We had over 100 people show up which is the largest crowd we've had. Ever. Food was good as always. Stuffed myself silly on dessert. Got to leave early because I helped out so much before and during clean-up. Everyone was impressed that I was helping so much (my mom just sent me this nice tearful email about how proud she was) and I didn't actually have to socailize. Life is good.
Just one last comment about my family reunion. While I know it was a church hall we had it in, I object the the church's use of faith locks in the bathrooms. What are faith locks? When you shut the door you have faith that the door will not open because there is no physical way for you to prevent it while sitting on the toilet three feet from the door. Thank you.
Tsaiko's neat, nifty URL of the day is: Tattered Streamers- A yaoi RPG fanfic contest
On Friday, October 26, 2001 at 08:20 p.m. Tsaiko was slowly going insane. This is why:
I am in such a good mood.
Correction, I am in an unbeliveably great mood. I have been genki all day long. Of course, this could be due to the fact that I've gotten my first decent night's sleep all week last night. Insomnia and me with no computer in my room to amuse me is a bad thing. But also, it seems like I have not only solved most of my problems this week, but helped out with some other people's problems as well.
Case in point, the today's link. Kuwabara no Miko is an absolutely wonderful yaoi fanfiction writer. If you have never read any of her stuff I suggest you do a search and read her stuff. I would suggest going to her page, but all the links are broken. Which is a damn shame considering she had one of the best Duo/Heero fics of all times. Not to mention of the most beleivable Duo/Wufei fics I have ever seen. Now I will have to search and find her stuff so I can read it again. Why are some people's works so addictive? It's not fair!
Anyways, KnM was holding the RPG contest. She hadn't advertised it much, and nobody knew about it. After two months, nobody had entered. Well Talya Firedancer was complaining about this on her blog because it was really depressing poor KnM (or becki as Talya calls her). Well this really bothered me since both of them are great writers and even though I don't know either one, I read there blogs enough to be interested in their lives and not want to see them unahppy. They are so good and I am such an otaku ^_^; Besides, they have some nifty wall scrolls as prizes (ooooh wall scrolls). So I wrote KnM a nice email encouraging her and promptly sent the link on to the Vagrant Story ML I'm on.
Guess what? Within 24 hours KnM had eleven entries! Yeah! And she sent me a really nice email. Double Yeah! And Talya mentioned me in her blog. Triple YEAH! Now I don't know if my posting the link to the VS list was responsible, but it couldn't of hurt. So she's happy and will continue the contest. And I feel like I have accomplished something wonderful by halping another person out. It's such a nice warm feeling.
In other news, one of the grad students at NCSU discovered a dinosaur embryo inside of a fossilized egg. It's really rare find because 1) it's the only egg ever found preserved in marine sediments and 2) it's from the East coast where very little dinosaur fossil material exists and 3) it's a complete skeleton.Read the article for more details. Well, I know James Lamb and the graduate students at the University. So I was emailing one of them, and guess what? He said that next time I come over to the paleo lab, James will show me the fossilized egg under the microscope.
Some people get high off drugs. Others anime. Give me dirt, old bones, and a pick any day. Happy! Happy! Happy!
For the last few days I have been dispensing advice like there is no tomorrow. I think that most of my advice has done more good than harm. People keep telling me that I give good advice and that it helps them with their problems. So I'm happy. But what a lot of these people that don't realize that there's a secret to giving out good advice. The secret? Whenever I open my mouth to give advice I keep three things in mind.
It's not my life
Although it's hard, I always try to remember that it's not my life I'm messing with when I dispense advice. It's someone else's. If they take my advice, they have to live with the consequences. Not I. And since I like these people enough to want to help, I'm careful to make sure that i help and not hurt.
I will never know all the facts.
Which means that if someone says my advice won't work, I trust them to know more about the situation than me and don't pressure them. I can't know everything another person knows. Can't feel what they feel. Can't think like they think. All I can do is advise. And if my suggestion are vetoed in favor of something else, I can't let it get to me. Because more than likely there was a reason for them not to take my advice. And I will have to accept that.
If I won't follow my own advice, why the heck do I think I should give it out?
In other words, live by what you preach. Otherwise you have no business preaching it.
A final note: my apologies to everyone who reads the comic Acid Reflux. I had the comic mostly colored at work. But something messed up when I tried to transfer it to another account to finish at home. So I have to start all over again -_-;. I'm sorry but it won't be done until tomorrow possibly Sunday. Stupid ftp server. I get it done as soon as I can.
Tsaiko's neat, nifty URL of the day is: Apologies Anonymous! Well, not really.
On Wednesday, October 24, 2001 at 06:58 p.m. Tsaiko was slowly going insane. This is why:
Have you ever had one of those times when you just did not want to be around people? Where everthing anyone said or did or didn't say or didn't do just grated on your nerves? Where even the most basic of human interactions was just more than you could take without hauling off and smacking someone silly? That's the kind of mood I'm in tonight. I am sitting, here, in a computer lab, rather than watching anime because I know that the people there would not just let me watch anime. Oh no. They would require me to speak, to comment, to listen to them. And tonight I just cannot do it. And since I can't do what I want to do, and ask everyone to leave and let me watch anime by myself, I did the next best thing.
So what am I going to do with the sudden influx of spare time? I'm going to write. But first, I want to get some things off my chest.
First off, I would like to make a public apology to Cneko. I'm sorry about what happened in the channel. I hit a nerve and didn't mean to. What I said was supposed to be a joke, but it didn't come across that way. You can be as ecchi or as innocent as you want. You are a capable adult and I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.
Heck, you can run naked through the streets if you so choose. I won't say anything. Okay you got me, I would say something. But barring you streaking in a public place, I will keep my mouth shut. I'm sorry, it was not my place to say anything. In the future, you can tell me to bugger off if I ever do that again. I woudl tell you this in person or in an email, but I'm a devout coward and don't have the guts to do so. But I might anyway if I don't think you've read this. I can grovel. Really. I'll get down on my knees and beg for forgiveness.
Second of all, I would like to make a public apology to the #AR channel. The channel was neither the time nor the place to get into a yelling match with anyone. I'm sorry. It won't happen again.
I would like to take this time to say a special thank you to Jeram who always makes me feel good about my writing. Thanks. I appreciate it more than you can ever know.
I would also like to thank all the people who have put up with my moods lately *cough**cough*LightHawk*cough**cough*Kemmy*cough**cough*Jag*cough**cough* You guys are great and I often don't say it enough to you. Thanks. Also I want to say THANK YOU MIOME! for putting up with me in all my quirky weirdness. You are great and wonderful and a bunch of other good, nice things I can't think to say at this point. I'm sorry I ditched you at anime, but I will make it up to you later. I promise. And I am really sorry.
Now, I feel better. I'm archiving that entire week of mood swings and angst so I won't have to look at it anymore. Now I am going to write smut or fluff or something non-depressing. I promise to share it with all the important people. Hopefully I will get a lot done. Thanks for hanging in there.