Tsaiko's neat, nifty URL of the day is: Yahoo! Groups


On Wednesday, August 8, 2001 at 09:29 p.m. Tsaiko was slowly going insane. This is why:

Are you a anime loving trans-sexual nun? Check out Yahoo! Groups. They a group mailing list for everything.

No rant tonight. I got five hours of sleep and today was my first day at my new job. The good news: I'm employed. The bad news: I'm about to fall asleep at the computer. Try back tomorrow.

Tsaiko's neat, nifty URL of the day is: Blue Fox Art Productions


On Tuesday, August 7, 2001 at 02:22 p.m. Tsaiko was slowly going insane. This is why:

Kari updated. Whoo hoo! To actually get to see her art click on the blue paint print. Otherwise you wander around the front page for awhile wondering where to go. I think I'll inform her how confused I was the first time I went to her new layout. (PS- if you go to her anime drawings, I get mentioned for inspiring a Digimon picture she drew).

In honor of Blue Fox Art Productions, today's rant wil be about something blue. Specifically blue stoplights. Confused yet? All will be revealed.

In Japan, when the light changes from red the Japanese don't say it has turned green (Japanese=midori). Instead they use the word for blue (aoi). I found this interesting fact out from a couple of my friends, Dan and Emily, who do the comic Acid Reflux. Both have spent some time in Japan. Both have told me this interesting piece of trivia. In fact, they had a friend who would argue with his Japanese friends about the color of the traffic lights. They said it was very amusing.

So exactly why do the Japanese say that the traffic lights are blue? Dan and Emily both had different explanations.

Dan's Theory:
After WWII when Japan was in the process of rebuilding, green glass was both hard to find and expensive to make. Blue glass was not. So most of the stoplights were made with blue glass. Eventually these were replaced with green glass, but the habit of calling them "aoi" remained.

Emily's Theory:
Originally, the Japanese had no word for the color "green." Everything that we consider green they just considered blue. Eventually the concept of green came along. However, when the Japanese use the word "midori" they are talking about yellow-green. Anything that has more blue in it they consider to be "aoi." Since stoplights aren't quite green enough to the Japanese, they are referred to as being blue.

I tried to find a page supporting Dan's theory, but alas, could find nothing. A page I found on Japanese language had this to say "Since green is not a basic color, the word (aoi) is sometimes used for green, especially for green leaves and the green light of signals." -Teach Yourself Japanese.

However, the debate rages on. So if anyone finds any information about the blue stoplights of Japan please email me at tsaiko1@hotmail.com and let me know. Who knows? I might make a page about it ^_^.

Tsaiko's neat, nifty URL of the day is: Past Life Analysis


On Monday, August 6, 2001 at 02:32 p.m. Tsaiko was slowly going insane. This is why:

No more mecha anime rants. I can't think of anything more to say ^_^;;. The previous four rants were actually one huge rant broken up into many bits. I know I went on about more stuff, but since the original rant was made some two years ago I can't remember anymore. Today's website was first found by my friend Light Hawk. Good for laughs. Now on with the rant.

"Excuse me young lady, can you do me a favor? Would you mind holding this rooster while I open my car door?"
The rooster in question was a 12 inch tall red statue covered with flaking gold paint. My roommate wound up holding it for the nice elderly gentleman. He seemed real happy with his find. I thought it was the ugliest thing I had ever seen. Tacky just doesn't do this thing justice. But then again, I didn't pay good money for the rooster. Someone else did. So who am I to judge?

There's a reason I love flea markets. No where on earth can you find a more concentrated pool of tacky hidiousness than at a flea market. Even the state auctions of Nevada, the ones they where they sell off all your stuff if you don't have a will, can barely put a dent in the awesome power that is a flea market. At a flea market you can find gold and orange glasses, olive green plates with santa red trim, figurines that were (badly) hand painted in Thaiwan, and a chest of drawers with paint peeling off of it proclaiming to be worth $600. Usually, all within one booth.

And what's truly amazing about a flea market is that people actually buy this stuff.

Just when I think I have seen something that no one could possible want, something so incredibly tacky or ugly that it would look out of place anywhere, I will be proven wrong. Some forty-something year old guy or aging grandma will descend up on the booth literally snatching whatever I have out of my hand. Then they will proclaim in an extremely loud voice "Oh my gosh! I've been looking for one of these for years. It's just what I need to complete my collection."

This is exactly what the sellar's want to hear. You can almost see the dollar signs begin to appear. They make a little ka-ching noise as the pop into existance. Suddenly, something that was being offered to me for $5 becomes worth $30 to $50. Which of course this collector will fork over. Sometimes immediately, sometimes after they've circled the booth about five hundred times. Like a shark scenting blood in the water. But they will fork it over. All time thinking "Look at the deal I'm getting. Only $50."

Everytime this happens I will remember two things. The guy from Toy Story 2, and the idiot who paid over $26,000 for a toy Mattel car on Ebay. I will give a litte shudder and think two words. "Junk Otaku."

You'd think the people looking for this oh so important last piece would learn to keep their mouths shut. But what's the fun of being a collector if you can't brag about your collection?

Sometimes I don't even think people actually display this stuff in their homes. I think they buy it, take it home, and it gets transported directly to the attic. You'll here about it every once in awhile. "Yep, got me a complete collection of Chinese plates made in San Juan from the 1920's. Where are they? Why they're all up in the attic. One of these days they'll be worth thousands."

There this junk will sit for twenty years until its time to clean out the attic. At which point that hideous lamp with dangling green beads that your mother bought twenty years ago from the local fela market will be boxed up. Will it be put in the trash like it should have been ten minutes after being made? Of course not. It will be taken to a flea market, returned to the great circle.

Once there, someone will find it. It will be pulled out of the box. Someone will comment on how well it will go with their shag carpet and rust colored curtains. Who knows, by that time it might have earned the coveted title of "antique." Whatever the circumstances, money will be exchanged. And the lamp will go straight back into someone's attic, waiting once again for its few minutes of glory in the sun.

Just think of it as recycling at its finest.

Tsaiko's neat, nifty URL of the day is: Things that piss me off in fanfiction


On Sunday, August 5, 2001 at 09:25 a.m. Tsaiko was slowly going insane. This is why:

The URL of day brought to you by Sadie DragonFire over at Dragon's Gate. She covers a lot of the thing that I don't like about fanficition as well. Though I have to admit I gave in to temptation and wrote a cross-over who's plot looked like it was going to be very much like the one she described ^_^;.

But back to mecha anime. I have some more stuff to complain about? I have only scratched the surface. MWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Today's rant is about something most people don't even think about. So let's begin.

One of these days I'm going to be piloting my own mecha (no really, I am!). Knowing my luck, I'll be on the evil side of a conflict. The squad that I'll be a part of will come in to contact with the heroes. There will be much fighting. After the smoke clears I will given a medal for taking out the main character.

Commander: "Good job soldier. You have single handedly taken out the main character. How did you know which one he was?"

Tsaiko: "Thank you, sir. But it was really easy if you know the signs."

Commander: "Signs?"

Tsaiko: "Yes, sir. Always shoot whoever is in the red or white mecha."

Inevitably this is true. Not just in mecha animes, but in RPG games as well. I swear the enemies are idiots for not figuring this out years ago. Want to take out the main character? Shoot the red or white one. What's that you say? The one in red is a complete moron? Oh that doesn't matter. The other heroes will follow him anyway. Why? Because as my friend Cneko is fond of saying "Because he's red. Red's the leader."

Again this is one of those things that confuses me. If your going to build a giant weapon of mass destruction, why the heck are you going to color it in primary colors? It make the mechas look like they were designed by a five year old. I five year old with a box of six crayons: red, green, yellow, black, white, and blue. Congrats! I've just named all the colors found in 80% of mechas everywhere. This is especially absurd if your going to be fighting in space. Forget about sensors. You're so contrasting your enemy will be able to spot you two miles away with just visuals.

If I'm going to be fighting in space, I want my mecha to be black. Maybe with a few shiny white dots, but for the most part black. All black. No white face or yellow hood ornament so the enemy can easily target my head. Just lot's of black.

Soldier: "Sir, our sensors say that the mecha is right in front of us. But visuals show nothing."

Commander: "Are the sensors malfunctioning?"

Soldier: "Unknown, sir. I'm trying to determine...Oh my God! Its right in front (static, line goes dead)

Tsaiko: "My completely black mecha strikes again!"

Of course, as soon as I get my wish and get a completely black mecha, all battles will be fought in fields of bright yellow daisies against backdrops of snow colored mountains. Want to know who to hit? Just aim for the giant black mecha. You can't miss it.

Of course there are exceptions to the primary color rule. There's Shinji's purple Eva from Evangelion. Gundam Wing's maroon Epyon. The pink robot used by the space marines in Irresponsible Captain Tyler. Purple, maroon, and pink. Oh yes, these are colors specifically designed to leave your enemies quaking in fear.

Or helpless with fits of uncontrollable laughter. Whichever comes first.

Tsaiko's neat, nifty URL of the day is: The Evil Overlord List


On Friday, August 3, 2001 at 08:33 a.m. Tsaiko was slowly going insane. This is why:

In the tradition of the Evil Overlord list...

If I have a mecha of mass destruction, it will not be equipped with hand to hand combat weapons.
I've never understood this. You are going to spend billions of dollars on a huge, fully functional mecha which will be operated by a highly elite, highly trained pilot and what weapon do you give him to fight with? A large laser canon? High speed missiles? A highly advanced super weapon unlike anything the world has ever seen? No.

You give him a sword.

Has anyone really thought this out? I mean, why waste all this money? Just take two guys, suit them up in fairly decent armor, and let them whack at each other until one of them wins. I know I would have watched Gundam Wing if instead of two giant mechas I could watch Zechs and Heero battle it out in person.

Tsaiko: "This is a duel at the top of the world against Zechs and Heero. Here are your swords and special armor uniforms. We've gotten rid of your Gundams. Research shows that more fan girls will watch if you fight without them."

Soldier: "I think this gives an unfair advantage to that Gundam pilot. It's 40 below and these "special armor uniforms" are nothing but spandex suits."

Tsaiko: "So? They both have to wear them."

Soldier: "But the Gundam pilot is use to wearing spandex no matter what the conditions."

Tsaiko: "Good point! Both of you strip and let's get on with it."

I mean its not like technology in mecha animes hasn't advanced far enough to offer some kind of alternate to swords and spears and scythes (oh my!). They're running around in huge mechas. I'd say they're sufficiently adavanced. Give these pilots a gun people, one that preferably won't run out of bullets in the first five minutes of a battle. What possible justification can you have for hand to hand combat weapons? Oh, a sword duel is just so much more dramatic than a gun fight.

I guess it could be worse. Anime designers could decide to be just like Eva. "Look, I can only run so far before someone pulls the plug on me." You are going into a combat situation. You might as well just paint a giant bulls-eye on that power cord. Slap some Energerizer batteries in those things and leave the cords for the power tools.

Or alternately mecha animes could take notes from Escaflowne. For when a sword fight between giant mecha of mass destruction just isn't good enough, you too can add a cape to your mecha. Or worse, Nadesico. Need to communicate with someone in the heat of battle? Why not use this wonderful pop-up screen that will come up right in front of the pilot blocking his sight at the most critical time. I swear, it's like the internet for mecha.

Why even make the mecha human shaped? But this runs into its own problems. Voltron.

Tsaiko: "So let me get this straight. You're going to take five independently fast and hard to hit targets and combine them into one slower, larger, easier to hit target. And you're going to do it with a transformation sequence that takes five minutes and leaves you vunerable attack. That is, assuming your enemy is smart enough to take advantage of your distraction."

Pilot: "Uhhh... yeah. I think."

Tsaiko: "Did you even think this through?"

My friends tell me that the reason mecha are human shaped is because its psychologically comforting. I'm sorry, but if I'm going into a battle situation a huge gun shaped weapon would be more psychologically comforting to me anyday. Especially one that's got a one to five mile firing range. That way while the enemy mechas are running towards me trying to get into range to use their hand to hand combat weapons, I can pick them off from a distance. So what happens if they get too close to my giant gun for me to safely fire it?

That's what TNT is for.

Tsaiko's neat, nifty URL of the day is: Dumb Laws


On Thursday, August 2, 2001 at 10:36 a.m. Tsaiko was slowly going insane. This is why:

Another really funny site to accompany a really funny rant. For some reason I get the feeling this will be the week I rant about mecha anime.

Why do mechas have codpieces? No really, why? What could a giant robot have in the crotch region that is so vital it requires its own personal armor. I've never understood why this accessory is added to hulking machines of mass destruction. It doesn't make sense. There's nothing there to protect!

It just proves that guys draw and design most mechas. No women would stick a jutting peice of metal down there. Not unless she was being funny. I guess it's there just in case the mecha gets shot there. If it were left bare, and the mecha were shot there, no guy on the field would be left fighting. All of them would be directing their mechas to cover that oh-so-vital spot.

Pilot: "Sir, we are unable to finish the battle."

Commander: "Why is that soldier?"

Pilot: "Tallgeese just got shot in the crotch area, sir."

Commander: "My god. To what depths have we fallen? Hobble as quickly as you can to the nearest base. But by all means make sure you protect the family jewels."

I correct myself, I bet there is a use to the codpiece. Mecha designers have probably put some important system down there to justify it. Like communications. I can see some game designer sticking communications down there.

Computer: "Damage to communication systems."

Pilot: "Crap! I knew I shouldn't have fought against these female pilots. They always go for the balls. What a cheap shot."

Or maybe someone will get really smart. They'll design the mecha so that the cockpit (bad pun, really didn't mean it) is down there. I can just see the codpiece folding down and the pilot stepping out.

Pilot: "Silly enemy. This whole time you were shooting at vital parts like the chest and head trying to defeat me. Little did you know that I was safely being carried around in the crotch of my mecha."

Um... right.

One of thse days I'm going to be watching a mecha anime. The mecha will have a codpiece. Suddenly the codpiece will move to one side and the mecha's ultimate gun will come out. It will shoot its enemies dead. Then it will retreat back into the mecha, and the codpiece will slide back into place. Then and only then will I feel that a codpiece on a mecha is justified.

(looks back at what she just wrote) Sometimes I scare myself.

Tsaiko's neat, nifty URL of the day is: The Onion


On Wednesday, August 1, 2001 at 09:36 p.m. Tsaiko was slowly going insane. This is why:

This rant promises to be slightly on the absurd side. Hence the link to a slightly absurd newspaper. The Onion.

I was riding in my roommate's car yesterday when a sudden realization about the anime world struck me. Why would anyone give mechas to people between the ages of 11 and 18? These are the years where you can be screaming one minute and crying the next with no real idea how you got from one to the other. The years when your hormones are doing the "forbidden dance" with your emotions. Is it really wise to give people experiencing this weapons of mass destruction.

I think not.

Yet in anime this is who you see piloting these huge mechas. I can forgive it in Eva. I mean the pilots were the only ones who could pilot the Evas. And they had to pilot the Evas when the Angels started attacking. They really didn't have a choice. Which shows a surprising amount of intelligence on the Angel's part. "We have one enemy who's clinically depressed, another who's clinically pissed as well as psychotic, and a third who's emotionally withdrawn except when it comes to a complete bastard of a man. Let's attack when they're on a emotional rollercoaster. Oh yeah, and we'll make sure that the depressed one's only love interest is another guy who's also one of us."

Sounds like a good strategy to me.

But I can not understand why the professors in Gundam Wing gave control to five teenage boys. What were they thinking? Then again maybe they knew OZ better than I thought. Because this would have been my plan of taking out all the Gundam pilots.

Tsaiko: "Sir, I have a plan. Surround the attacking Gundams with Taurus and Aries mecha. Make sure they're all piloted by gay men or straight women. Don't attack, just surround them. Everyone in position. Okay. Bimbi, do your work."

The porn star known as "Bimbi" would fly her mecha in front of the five Gundams. Then she'd get out of it wearing the tightest shirt she could fit into and the skimpiest sailor fuku known to man. Then she'd jump up and down a few times.

Ever see those little dogs in the back of cars with the bobbing heads? Imagine five Gundams with their heads bouncing up and down in time to Bimbi.

Tsaiko: "Quick, before the blood can rush back to their brains. Attack!"

End of Gundams.

But of course no one ever consults me about these kind of things. If they did there would be a lot more women in the higher ranks. Bishonen would be required to stay off the field during battle lest they be harmed (or distract female fighters). Plug suits would not be form fitting. Any person who made comments about the inferiority of women would be sent to the front line with a self-destruct button that worked.

And the person who decided to give teenagers access to anything more dangerous than a butter knife would be summarily shot.

Name: Tsaiko

Age: Younger than you think, older than you expect

Sex: No thanks

Location: In front of the computer

Email: tsaiko1@hotmail.com

Webpage: Tsaiko's World

GW Page: Miome's Maxwell House

Favorite Anime (at this point in time): Digimon

Favorite Book (at this point in time): The Grey King by Susan Cooper

Favorite Fanfic (at this point in time): Ashes to Ashes A Vagrant Story Fanfic by Lunar

Favorite Food (at any time): Chicken and rice

Favorite Song (at this point in time): "Sick Cycle Carosel" by Lighthouse

Favorite Story on the Internet: Tower by Tsaiko (who is not above self-promotion)

Most annoyed by (at this point in time): Drivers under the influence of the full moon who think they are the only cars on the road

All graphics and text on this are Tsaiko and cannot be reproduced in part or in whole without my express written permission. Feel free to link though. There's even a banner below. If I feel inspired, I might make more.

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